In Remembrance

Two days from now, a year ago, my friend Almitra passed away.

She died from dengue hemorrhagic fever. Doctors say she was dead before she even got to the hospital.

A year ago, she helped me in my darkest moments.

I remember our walk in UWI. As we walked aimlessly around campus, she spoke about books she read, characters she enjoyed, authors she liked, about life, love, hatred and humanity, about nonsense and normality. As we sat on a bench, I cried and she held my hand and continued talking, because she knew her words and her voice distracted the pain I felt with every breath. She reminded me that love comes in many different forms. She stayed with me as I slept in my car after our walk because I was too tired emotionally and physically to drive her back home as yet. I remember.

The days when eating, living and breathing were the most difficult and I slept outside she workplace and she would check on me, then take me to her home where her mom would make me eat and we’d watch anime together. I remember.

I remember the weekend it started and it all became too much and you came over to my house and took care of me and my sister and my dog cause I wasn’t able to. I remember.

I remember the call you made and I heard the panic in your voice. I remember the sight of you walking into the room and you hugged me and soothed my hair and cried. I remember.

Thank you for talking to my mother when she called you so distraught, worried and panicked. When you were the only person she thought would make sense of everything.

Thank you for being so amazingly kind and patient. Not many would have done what you did.

The day of your funeral we got roaring drunk and laughed at ourselves cause you would laugh at how silly we were. We shared stories about you and held each other and cried and then laughed again cause we knew you’d roll your eyes and at us and tell us to get it together, everything will be alright. I still have the email you sent me about Maddox, I read it to him and although he doesn’t understand human language, he knows human emotions, he stayed still, with his paws on my thighs and put his head against my stomach as I started to cry in the middle of reading it.

I miss you more than I can express here, more than words can really say. There are few people who can match your positivity, humour, and openness.  I promise I’ll try not to make the mistakes of my past and I hope to make the vision you had of me, the really positive one, I hope to make that my future.

Thank you for your warm words, friendship and love. Although there are tears now in my writing, it’s with a smile that I remember you. I miss you and I love you.

-Katisha

The Comforts of Home

My mother is visiting. I really missed her company. I didn’t realise that until I saw her. She’s still her vibrant, enthusiastic self although with more body aches and limits to her physical capacity. It scares me to know she’s losing her youthful vitality and strength. There was something almost superhuman about my mother. She did everything without external aid. She’s still up to some of her old ways but it definitely not as it use to be. I’ll be spending a lot of time with her this weekend, reconnecting, getting lambasted for something me and my bro haven’t been diligent enough to do, she’s going to cook for us (*grateful) and she’s going to quietly remind us that she loves us.

I miss home and the warm comforts it affords like my dog, my sister’s continuous chatter and our sisterly outings, my mom calling me everyday to check up (ok I didn’t miss that too much), my dad and his protectiveness. My friends and their shelter of laughter, hugs and companionship. Everything in time, so with that in mind, I am looking forward to the future here, hopefully with a new job on the horizon and my girlfriend’s arrival in the US. Perhaps my future will be even brighter.

Happy Divali Bloggers

Diwali Diyas, originally uploaded by mkulhara.

Divali is the Hindu Festival symbolic of the triumph of good over evil, truth over untruth and light over darkness.

Traditionally at home (Trinidad) I’d have some parasad, kurma and other sweet treats as well as veggie roti to celebrate this holiday. Since I won’t be lighting any diyas this year or indulging in mommy’s home made roti or snacking on kurma, I thought I’d try my hand at parasad this weekend

Photo courtesy mkulhara on Flickr.

Day 1. Small Things

Day 1. Small Things, originally uploaded by Tish Glos.

Started a 365 photo journal on flickr to highlight my life at quarter century. Happy Birthday to me anyway, that was yesterday

Also added my flickr widget to this blog.

Just wanted to say

I’m on my meds again. Haven’t been crying and filled with anxiety since.

Btw, 13 degrees in NYC is an awful precedent of what’s to come. Here comes winter.

Let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around

I’ve been off my medication since Tuesday of this week. Not intentionally. I ran out and my psychiatrist in Trinidad is unable to refill my prescription since I am currently in NY. I don’t talk about my depression on this blog…I try to keep it upbeat as much as I can but I’m making an exception (it’s cause I’m out of drugs i tell you). No worries, seeing someone tomorrow.

I spent most of this weekend in crying, being consoled by my girlfriend, sleeping and studying. I’ve been listening to Maxwell’s Pretty Wings. My birthday is coming up and it is bittersweet. October will hail the 1st anniversary of my friend’s, Almitra, passing. There’s a lot i can say, but not right now…not today.

Not certain anymore why I’m blogging this.

I love Inventors

I can’t stop laughing….

check it out:

http://www.survivaball.com/

Hitting the Books

Yes, it’s back to my glory days of studying. My GRE books are here and i’m excited to start (gimme a week tops before it wears off).

My weak point is Math, so I specifically purchased Kaplan’s GRE Exam Advanced Math book to help me revise for the harder questions so hopefully i’ll have a good boost in that area.

I’m going stationary shopping this week. Pencils, markers, colour tabs, note books. I’ve been craving to shop and i think stationary is as good an excuse as any.

Studying to commence this weekend!

I’m not certain if it’s official or not

I’m growing my hair out naturally.

First. i say this with slight unease cause I haven’t had any interaction with my natural hair for years. The few times it poked out, it was promptly addressed by a relaxer.

Second. Natural hair is a lot of time and work. I’ve been asked if i can’t take care of relaxed hair, what’s going to happen when it’s natural. My response: we’ll have to see to find out.

Third. I don’t want locks. A lot of women with natural hair in the Caribbean wear locks and twists. I’m a fan but not for myself. I like curls, frohawks, plaits, flat press, etc..so i need hair that can be flexible to all of the above.

Fourth. I wish myself good luck. I do not look well with short hair. i am mostly concerned with when to start trimming and what to do with my hair in the interim.

I’ve started my research and it’s been looking promising. It’s a transition I’ve been thinking about for years now and I think I’m finally ready to make the journey.

I have the hots for a Married Woman

Mrs. Jay-Z

I’ve been fighting it. I dislike celebrity drooling but something about that sweet dream video sealed the deal. Oui Papa…

Pic Courtesy: rediff.com